When someone we love passes away, it can feel as though language suddenly becomes too small for what we are trying to express, because even the kindest words can sound inadequate beside the weight of grief. In those quiet moments, many of us in Singapore find ourselves asking the same question, sometimes in a whisper and sometimes in silence: what can I do that truly shows I care, especially when I do not know what to say.
One of the most familiar and compassionate ways people express sympathy here is through condolence money, often known in Mandarin as Bai Jin (白金) or in Hokkien as Pek Kim (白金), and commonly described as “white gold” in everyday conversation. Although it is a monetary gift, its purpose is not transactional and it is not meant to look like a payment for someone’s passing, but rather a gentle way of saying, I am here with you, and I want to help carry a small part of what you are going through. At the same time, as families become more spread out and as remembrance takes on new forms, more Singaporeans are also turning to online obituaries as a meaningful way to honour a loved one, because a tribute that lives online can hold stories, photos, and memories long after the wake ends and the visitors have gone home.
This guide walks through the meaning of condolence money in Singapore, the etiquette that matters most, what people commonly give, and why sponsoring an online obituary can be a modern gesture that feels both practical and deeply human.
What does condolence money means
Condolence money is best understood as empathy expressed through action, because there are moments when grief makes conversation difficult and when the bereaved family is too exhausted to receive comfort in the usual ways. In many families, the days around a death are filled with urgent decisions, logistical arrangements, and financial commitments that must be made quickly, even while emotions are raw and sleep is scarce, so a monetary gift becomes a small but tangible form of support. In the Chinese community, the term Bai Jin or Pek Kim is often used, and it carries a symbolic weight because “white” is traditionally associated with mourning while “gold” suggests value and help offered with respect, rather than anything lavish or celebratory. Even when the amount is modest, the message is often felt clearly, because what the family receives is not just money, but the reassurance that they are not facing the burden alone.
How different communities in Singapore approach the gesture
Because Singapore is multicultural, the customs around condolence money do not look identical across every family or faith, but the underlying spirit of respect and care remains widely shared. In many Chinese funerals, condolence money is usually given in a plain white envelope and offered quietly at the reception table or to a family representative, and people often write their name on the envelope so the family can keep track and acknowledge the gesture later. Some families prefer odd numbered amounts, and some may avoid amounts that feel culturally sensitive, but what matters most is that the act is done with dignity and without drawing attention to oneself.
In Malay and Muslim settings, there is no fixed “white gold” tradition in the same way, yet support is still commonly expressed through sincere help, whether that takes the form of monetary support known as sumbangan, charitable giving such as sedekah in the deceased’s name, or practical assistance that makes the family’s days easier. In Indian and Hindu funerals, families may accept contributions offered in a respectful way, and some people choose amounts ending in one as a symbol of continuity and blessing, while also observing small acts of etiquette such as giving with the right hand. In Christian funerals, condolence money is not required, but it may be appreciated alongside other common gestures such as sympathy cards, flowers, or contributions towards a memorial fund or a cause that mattered to the deceased, and in many cases the family will remember your presence and your sincerity long after they forget the specific details of what was given.
When to give condolence money, and how to do it respectfully
Most people in Singapore give condolence money when they attend the wake or funeral service, because it is the moment when family members are gathered and when support feels most immediate, but it is also common to send it through a mutual friend or relative if you cannot attend in person due to work, travel, or health reasons. In recent years, it has also become more normal for families to share PayNow or bank transfer details, especially when there are overseas relatives or friends who want to contribute but cannot be physically present, and in those cases a short message that conveys sympathy is usually enough, because the tone matters more than the length.
If you are attending a wake, it is usually appropriate to use a plain white envelope unless you are guided otherwise by the family’s customs, and it is helpful to write your name clearly so the family can acknowledge your gesture later. It is generally kinder to keep the exchange quiet and simple, because grief can make people feel exposed and overwhelmed, and a calm, respectful handover allows the family to receive your support without needing to perform gratitude in the moment. When you speak to the family, it is often best to keep your words gentle and brief, because bereaved people are usually running on very little rest, and they will remember your kindness and your presence more than any perfect sentence.
How much to give in Singapore, and how to decide without stress
There is no official rule that determines how much condolence money “should” be given in Singapore, and anyone who is grieving is rarely keeping score in the way people fear, because most families are simply trying to get through an emotionally heavy period with dignity. That said, people often appreciate a sense of what is commonly given, because uncertainty can make the gesture feel more stressful than it needs to be. For casual acquaintances or neighbours, many people choose an amount in the range of ten to thirty dollars, because it is a respectful acknowledgement without pressure, while friends and colleagues commonly give around thirty to fifty dollars, especially in workplace settings where the relationship is meaningful but not intimate. For close friends and relatives, it is common to give fifty to one hundred dollars, and for immediate family members or very close connections, amounts of a hundred dollars and above may appear more often, particularly when there is a strong desire to share the practical burden.
If you feel unsure, a gentle way to decide is to consider your relationship with the deceased and the family, your personal circumstances, and what would feel sincere rather than performative, because a gift that strains you financially can create resentment or anxiety, and that is not what sympathy is meant to do. The family will remember the care behind your gesture far more than the exact figure.
What condolence money helps with, and why families appreciate it
Many people assume condolence money simply offsets the funeral bill, but in reality it often supports a wider range of immediate needs that appear during the wake period, because grief does not pause daily life and because funeral arrangements can involve many small costs that add up quickly. The money may help with wake venue arrangements, refreshments for visitors, flowers, transport needs, printing of materials, or other practical expenses that arise when family members are exhausted and have little bandwidth to manage details. Even when the family does not need financial help, the gesture can still feel meaningful, because it is a visible sign that the community is surrounding them, and in grief, that sense of being held matters.
A modern gesture that lasts: sponsoring an online obituary
Condolence money often helps in the immediate days, but remembrance is something families carry for much longer, and that is why sponsoring an online obituary has become an increasingly meaningful option in Singapore. After the funeral ends, grief can become quieter, and for many families the hardest moments come later, when visitors stop coming, when the messages slow down, and when ordinary life expects them to return to normal even though they feel permanently changed. An online obituary creates a place that remains, where photos can be revisited, stories can be preserved, and tributes can be written by friends and relatives who may not have had the chance to attend the wake, especially when families are international or when travel is difficult.
An online obituary can also help in a practical way, because it can gather key information in one accessible place, including wake and funeral details, maps or directions, livestream links, and updates, so family members do not have to repeat the same information again and again during a period when every conversation feels draining. For many people, this type of support feels deeply thoughtful because it honours the person, not only the logistics, and it gives the family something they can return to on anniversaries, birthdays, and quiet evenings when memories surface.
How to offer an online obituary with sensitivity
If you want to sponsor an online obituary for a family, the most respectful approach is to ask first, because grief can make people feel protective and private, and it is important to ensure the family is comfortable with what is shared publicly. A gentle message that explains your intention is usually enough, such as saying that you would like to create a memorial page so relatives and friends can remember, share photos, and leave kind words, and asking whether they would be comfortable with that. When the family agrees, it is best to keep the tone dignified, confirm key details carefully, and share the link with close family first before sharing it more widely, because the family should remain in control of how their loved one is represented.
Choosing between condolence money and an online obituary
Condolence money and an online obituary serve different needs, and many people find that combining them creates a balance between tradition and lasting remembrance. Condolence money offers immediate, practical support during a demanding period, while an online obituary offers a long term space for memory and connection, especially for overseas relatives or friends who want to participate from afar. If you are unsure which is best, a compassionate approach is to offer a modest condolence gift during the wake, and then consider sponsoring an online obituary afterwards, because it gives the family help now and remembrance later.
Final reflection
In the end, condolence is rarely about doing everything perfectly, because grief does not ask for perfection and bereaved families do not expect it from you. What they feel most deeply is sincerity, gentleness, and the sense that someone cared enough to show up, whether that support arrives as a quiet white envelope, a simple PayNow transfer, a heartfelt message, or a memorial page that keeps a loved one’s story alive. When you cannot find the right words, a respectful gesture, offered with a steady heart, can speak for you, and it can remind a grieving family that they are not alone, and that the life they are mourning will continue to be remembered.